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[23 Jul 2010|01:25pm] |
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help, i'm alive.
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[12 Nov 2008|11:48pm] |
The people I admire/envy/hate the most are the ones who have already identified their passions.
Damn.
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| Don't let it end |
[17 May 2008|02:11pm] |
Going abroad is hands-down the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I'm having so much fun, and really enjoying what I'm learning. This is the happiest I've ever been and I'm terrified that I'll never be this happy again.
I don't want to leave.
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[16 May 2008|12:56am] |
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[13 May 2008|09:13pm] |
Flowers I enjoy
english peonies
gerberas
tulips
gardenias (!!!)
red poppies
Flowers I do not enjoy
daffodils
carnations
alstroemerias
amaryllis
I also do not enjoy it when people come up to my beautiful flowers and poke the shit out of them with their grime-filled fingers.
Backstory: My room (read: I) was in desperate need of something to brighten it up so I went to the covered market yesterday and bought some beautiful bright fuschia English peonies. I found (read: stole) a large glass from the kitchen and cut the stems to fit the flowers. The entire thing just made me so happy. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning to find them all sprawling over the side of the glass. They aren't dead, but they're getting there. The petals are falling and it's beautiful, but heartbreaking.
So, I went to the covered market again today. This time I bought some amazing, delicate, white ger_____s. They look incredibly fragile so I took extreme care while bringing them back from town. Keeping them safely hidden in a paper bag, I snuck them into the English Faculty Library while I did some more reading and then took them home with me. I found (read: stole) a clean dish from the kitchen and placed it under the little plastic pot and water my gorgeous flowers.
A few minutes ago, someone came in and decided to poke and push down these subtly awe-creating flowers and I silently fumed.
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[13 Apr 2008|12:18pm] |
Leaving Israel tonight.
Woe.
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[07 Feb 2008|11:52pm] |
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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
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[05 Dec 2007|03:22pm] |
My first year, I was always mistaken for a prospie.
My second year, I was always mistaken for a first-year.
Now I am always mistaken for a senior.
I feel like I lost out on two years of my life.
Sidenote: youtube.com = the devil
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[29 Nov 2007|01:11am] |
I've realized that I have taken seven Korean classes in the past two years, four language, one history, and one religion. If you count my little cultural field trip class it was more like 7.5. I think I deserve a major or minor or SOMETHING.
Frustrating.
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[14 Nov 2007|01:10pm] |
So my dad likes to send me emails frequently, except that why he emails me he likes to forward messages that he sent others or that other have sent him. I get a lot of weird airport/airline lingo, Korean and just lots of words that I don't understand. Anyway, today I get this email and it's basically a correspondence between him and his college buddy. It's not so much of a correspondence as it is "HOW ARE YOU?" "KIDS, WIFE, OK?" "yeah." "sooooooooooooooooooooo long."
I've deduced that while both men enjoy typing as little (read: phrases with no meaning if not privy to context) as possible my father likes to type everything in CAPS (sounds familiar) and his friend in lowercase letters and emphasizes his words by presssssssssssssssssssssinnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg downnnnn on keys and not letting go.
This is all beside the point. His friend lives in Tel Aviv and although I'm not sure if this is a fair assumption to make, he says once "when r u coming?" (Perhaps he is texting and my father is emailing?)
Anyway - RED FLAG - I think my dad's going to Israel. If he is, I'm going to weasel my way into this trip. I've always wanted to go, and I have a pretty good track record for making his business trips my own. Wish me luck!
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[07 Nov 2007|08:52pm] |
"ALSO, BE ADVISED THAT YOU WILL NOT GOING BACK TO WELLESLEY FOR JAN 2008."
Oh, father.
Side note: Am I the only one that noticed that gmail changed? I closed out while at work, walked the three minutes to my room, signed in on my laptop, and BOOM it was different. Well. Not BOOM, but you know what I mean.
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[07 Nov 2007|01:31am] |
Today I...
- Said "Hey" to Professor Theran. For the second time.
- Wore a tee and jeans to my Tanner talk because the director told me not to dress up only to find everyone else in a blouse and slacks.
- Woke up at a quarter to noon.
- Had my final paper proposal rejected.
- Read Vanity Fair.
- Took a nap.
- Didn't finish/start my paper like I said I would.
- Drank 5 cups of tea.
- Soaked my middle finger in scalding water to cure the paranychia.
- Ignored my approaching exam.
- Debated asking for an extension on my paper for two hours.
- Decided to suck it up and do it.
- Had a killer headache.
- Finished my bottle of vitamins.
I have at least two papers every week. I don't understand why I'm not used to the workload by now. Anyway, hurrah for finishing vitamins!
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[31 Oct 2007|11:39pm] |
Despite my ambivalence in Astronomy, I have never worked this hard before in my life. So far this semester, I do the class readings, I make drafts of papers and get them critiqued by professors before their due, check my answers (!!) and I make notecards of all important information more than a day before the exams. Of course, there are times when I fall behind in doing these things, but they all ultimately get done.
Part of it, obviously, is that I just have so much more work to do this semester. With three 300's, a lab science and an Econ class by Lindauer, sometimes (read: the past few weeks) I feel like the workload is unbearable, but it appears that I'm bearing it. I hate asking for extensions, and I've only had to ask for one so far and Professor Lee actually preferred that I change it to this later time than what I had actually scheduled the exam for.
I worry sometimes that because I only show up to Korean once a week, I'm missing a lot and falling behind, but I talked to her recently and she said that despite my abilities in Korean being well below that of the rest of the class, I'm improving and that's all that's important. Not only was that such a relief to hear, but it really made me think about why I love taking Korean with her so much. I don't need the credit, and with weekly essays, news summaries and bookwork on top of particular papers, debates, etc. that she assigns, sometimes I think this class isn't worth it. It's really moments like those, when my professor acknowledges my efforts and my improvement and see's that as the bar to base her assessment of me that I feel... redeemed. Encouraged, too. It makes me want to push myself more, do better, really improve.
This is all beside the point. The purpose of my writing this is to record this time in my life as the time when I got fucking close to the tipping point.
I may not be the most efficient person, but there is no doubt that I've become more efficient in my work. Present excluded, I tend to waste less time than I used to. Part of me is beating myself up for not working like this before - for not really doing what I can. I mean, I still don't believe that I'm doing my "best," but I think I'm closer to doing the best within each individual circumstance than I was before. (My irrational thinking: My best is always better than the best that I can do in a given situation. Chalk it up to self-preservation schemata or whatever but that's just how it is.)
The other part of me wonders if it's safe to work this hard. I think this is probably the cognitively dissonant part of me that is trying to convince myself that it's alright that I squandered my first two years here.
Obviously I over-analyze my thoughts, feelings and actions. I tend to internalize whatever Psych findings that I learn and use them to evaluate intellectualize whatever I go through so much that I've become distanced from my present self (the here and now!!).
That being said, existential psychotherapy is really making me think about my life thus far. I was on the phone with mother for such a long time just talking about this. All these things that I never did because they're "bad" for me, but are they really bad? What's the point of keeping my body free of impurities if I die before such things really matter? When I look back on my life (assuming that there's time for me to reflect) what will I think? 'Wow - I really worked hard for my future.' or 'I was such a practical person.' Extreme, yes, but true nonetheless.
I'm obviously not as practical as others, but even my selfish desires I perform and acquire within a future-based, rational mindset.
What I want, what I need is to experience a purely present-tied moment. But, that's for later. Now, I'll worry about the ramifications of putting Astro of the backburner of backburners. Special relativity and nuclear fusion is going to kick my ass. (I thought we were going to look at stars and calculate distances to the sun. Why does Astro look a lot like Chem and Physics? Whine, whine, whine.)
I hope this stress-induced, Redbull-fueled post rant makes sense to me when I'm older.
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[23 Oct 2007|04:59pm] |
Wellesley student accused of stabbing ex-boyfriend.
Cue Wellesley/women's college/Asian/female generalizations.
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[03 Oct 2007|06:14pm] |
*´¨' )
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ That Girl¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't think I can ever respect someone whose signature looks like that.
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[11 Sep 2007|01:02pm] |
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Sunny and 72 degress, my ass.
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[05 Aug 2007|11:44pm] |
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Today, on my way to dinner I saw two dead birds. It looked as though one had been run over and the other faited after seeing it's friend killed. It was so tragic.
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[04 Aug 2007|11:55pm] |
Pens of Power conference was today. It was a hit and it is over. Thank, God.
What is up with people and novels? Robert started writing one last night and Ronny suggested that we write one this summer.
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[26 Jul 2007|09:58am] |
"He felt exactly as he had done on the occasion, several years previously, when he had asked Professor McGonagall whether he could go into Hogsmeade, despite the fact that he has not persuaded the Dursleys to sign his permission slip."
Seriously?!
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